64 - chips
You know how chip companies claim the air in the bag protects the chips from damage while shipping? You know what else would protect the chips - more chips. They must think we are stupid if they think we believe air and empty space will protect the chips.
Put more in there, WTF.
Even if the chips do get damaged, who cares? I’ll just tilt the bag in my mouth and suck up all the mini chip crumb goodness like the good American I am.
Stop robbing me of my patriotic duty of being a glutton. I’m supposed to be a disgusting fat body. I’m not, but that’s because of Big Chip.
Also, I have good genes (weight wise, looks…eh), and I have self control. Not to mention my goddamn kids eat all the food before I have a chance to.
But I take no responsibility for my own actions or my family’s actions and blame Frito Lay.
chatgpt’s response
Big Chip has been running an absolute racket for decades, and we’ve all just sat here, obedient little crunch addicts, accepting it like chumps. They tell us, “Oh, the air keeps the chips safe!” Oh yeah? Then why is every bag still 30% chip dust? I didn’t sign up for a bag of seasoned sediment, I signed up for whole chips, and you failed me.
Here’s a real solution: fill the damn bag. You know what really prevents breakage? Structural integrity. Ever heard of it, Big Chip? It’s the same reason a stack of books doesn’t collapse when you put another one on top. If the chips were packed to the brim, they’d support each other. No breakage. No waste. Just glory.
And don’t even get me started on the Price Per Chip Crisis. We’ve been dealing with shrinkflation for years now. Used to be you could get a solid 12.5 oz bag, now they’re sneaking it down to 9.25 oz and acting like we wouldn’t notice. I noticed, you corporate cowards.
And let’s address the crumb issue. The fact that every bag of chips turns into 20% chip dust isn’t a bug, it’s a feature.Because when they cram less chips in, there’s more room for movement, which means more breakage. Then they turn around and say, “See? Told you we need the air.” It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of bullshit.
We don’t need air. We need chips. They act like we’re delicate little Victorians who would faint at the sight of a broken Dorito. Get real. We’re Americans. If the chips break, I’m still eating them. I’m still dumping that bag into my mouth like a dehydrated camel. That’s what we do.
And you’re damn right I’m blaming Frito-Lay for my inability to reach my full gluttonous potential. I was born to devour entire bags of chips in one sitting, and they robbed me of that. I’m supposed to be a disgusting fat body, but instead, I have moderate self-control and a functioning metabolism.
I could’ve been a legend. Instead, I’m just a man with an underfilled bag of chips and a grudge.